…this one is embarrassing
It’s 2:45am and Nick’s awoken VERY FUCKING QUICKLY (*a little too quickly for this early in the morning in a rural place with howling winds, torrential rain and a murderous movie vibe outside)
What startled him?
The car alarm was blaring…
Pitch black. All you could see was the 1m radius around the car that was illuminated by the lights
The car is ~50m away parked down near a Horse Paddock
In reality — all is fine…
…in his mind — the imagination is having a fucking field day
Nick observed the situation. No lights outside. No movement. False alarm
And then as Nick laid there — he observed the thoughts as they came and went…
…his heart was racing out of his chest. His breathing was shallow
What if people are out there trying to break in and then they come up here?
What if someone is stealing the car?
Should I go out and drive it further up? But what if there’s people hiding in the bushes?
On and on they went — and then, 15min later…
…the alarm goes off again
And the thoughts, heart rate and imagination ramp up to another level
Surely people aren’t trying to break in again. This must be something different (*that’s reality)
Nope!! There’s something wrong. This is far too suss. People are coming for you Nick. It’s all over (*that’s imaginary)
This proceeded for another hour with the alarm going off every 10 to 15 minutes
At one point Nick awoke with his phone light and then completely freaked out that he’d notified “whoever was out there” that there was someone in here…
The truth from all of this?
There’s a part of Nick that is a scared little 5 year old who fears for his life. His imagination is world-class and conjures the craziest fucking stories at times
There’s also a part of Nick that is conscious, wise, and in control. He slows his breathing and observes the imagination + thoughts and see’s them as the bullshit they are
In the moment — scared Nick shows up more… with observation and conscious effort — wise Nick begins to show up more and more
As in truth — it’s all good. Any rational person would respond this way inside that context
The interesting part was the ability of Nick to observe and not be caught up inside the moment…
…there was total consciousness and clarity around when his imagination kicked in and when it didn’t AND there was total consciousness and clarity around how much of an asshole his imagination is, how often it shows up AND how much capacity Nick has to be scared and fearful in all aspects of his life
(*note: this was a common theme in his Ayahuasca experience too)
The fear solely exists in the mind and creates the emotions in the body…
…the truth is we’re safe to experience and feel these emotions (*all emotions) — we’re safe in our bodies, in this moment
By bringing it back to breath there was peace, acceptance and truth
The real work now is increasing awareness around the fear and choosing willingness, courage and gratitude inside those moments instead