Guilt. Shame. Oh man…

…there’s a ton of it present right now

It’s been present for close to 2 decades — yet this past week has been the period where it’s been acknowledged

There’s been tears. There’s been tantrums. There’s been moments where it sounds like a baby pig is squealing with some form of emotion (*you can take your pick)

Why? Because Nick wouldn’t acknowledge or accept how ashamed, guilty and disgusted he was being toward himself, his actions, his behaviours and his self

Nick had no idea how much shame and guilt he’d learned from others and created for himself, about himself, that he was holding onto

He was ashamed that he’s 31 and “technically unemployed”…

He was ashamed that he’s 31 and is living under a roof that someone else created and is supporting, not he

He was ashamed he’s not “earning” what most men above 30 he see’s (*and thinks they receive)

He was ashamed he’s been playing this game of business for close to 6 years and FEELS* like he’s going around in the same circles and playing the same cycles over and over

He was ashamed he only has the energy to work ~3 hours most days (*except for when he’s in a crazed mood)

He was ashamed he’d go through cycles where he’d eat his bodyweight in chocolate, ice cream and other delectables over a few days (*only to then cycle back the other way violently)

He was ashamed he wasn’t as “strong or capable” as he used to be in his body

He was ashamed that he’s not yet “providing” for his Queen

And then Nick remembered…

…who’s standards are these by? (*the answer — societies and what he’d learned)

What Nick had allowed to happen was a “falling down” and a “remembering and reliving” of old ways

When this happen, Nick hides in the “womb” of his house and secludes himself from the outside world

He was out of touch with reality and viewing it through a FEAR lens instead of an ABUNDANCE lens (*i.e. Kid vs Adult)

And with pen in hand, paper on the desk and a full acceptance and surrender to it — the shift occurred

The Truth?

How fucking great is it that he has his freedom and is working in his ultimate passion AND that he can choose when he works and has the efficiency and effectiveness to knock it over

How fucking great is it that he has a better, stable, loving relationship with his body, movement, life and love?

How fucking great is it there’s awareness about all of this! There’s new information, and now, new actions can be taken

And how fucking beautiful is it he provides for his Queen in ALL the ways she deserves and needs, not solely a materialistic realm

Hi. I’m Nick. I used to be ashamed of who I was and what I did. Now, I’m excited for who I am, what I am, what I am becoming and the life that is being co-created with me

Nick Maier
@nickmaier__

I write copy, create content + systems for some of the biggest brands, businesses and influencers inside the H&F + Personal Development Space. It’s fucking rad