CopyUpgrade: CrossFit Edition

It’s that time of week again ladies & gents…

Grab your pen. Grab your paper. Let’s upgrade some copy!

Context: this is an FB ad. I’m assuming it’s a Lead Objective due to the C2A at the end and the offer. Audience is going to be women solely

Current Copy:

“🔥LADIES OF NEWCASTLE🔥

To celebrate our new space upgrade and the beginning of the new year we are looking for 10 dedicated women who are wanting to take their Health & Fitness to new levels!

The Ultimate WOMANS ONLY Bootcamp Transformation class is here and we want to share it with you!

📣Fun, fast workouts that you actually enjoy!
📣Lots of variety to your training!
📣An awesome group of people to train with!
📣Trainers that ACTUALLY CARE and are there for you every step of the way

✅4 x sessions per week; That’s 16 sessions designed to melt centimetres, tone and tighten tummy
✅ Weekly check ins to keep you focused and accountable
✅Pre and post Inbody scans to accurately track your progress
✅Meal plans tailored to YOU

🙋🏽‍ So what are you waiting for? lets get moving together!

Spots are Extremely Limited. Only 10 spots available!”

Notes:

  • The start is focusing on them — to celebrate OUR NEW SPACE…
  • They qualify well who their audience is and who it’s not
  • The bullets are mainly features, not benefits — and the benefits are surface level
  • There is no set C2A… no “here’s exactly what to do”

Reworked Copy as is:

🔥LADIES OF NEWCASTLE🔥

Are you wanting and ready to take your health and fitness to new levels in 2021?

Are you ready to take back control, feel lighter and be stronger?

We’re looking for 10 Women to join our WOMANS ONLY Family and experience everything we have to offer…

This is the Ultimate Woman’s Only Transformation and Training Experience. Check it out > [link]

📣 Movement & Nutrition Practices that meet you exactly where you’re at and evolve with you as you progress — regardless if your goal is to tone, strengthen or release a little extra weight
📣 Fun, fast workouts that you actually enjoy and keep you motivated for months and years to come
📣 A Family of awesome women to train with and form life-long friendships with
📣 Coaches that ACTUALLY CARE, are there for you every step of the way and will become beautiful friends

What’s Included?
✅Pre and Post InBody scans to accurately track your progress
✅Meal Plans that are Individually & Created to YOU
✅ Weekly Check Ins to keep you focused, motivated and accountable
✅4 x Sessions per week; That’s 16 sessions designed to melt centimetres, tone and tighten tummy

🙋🏽‍The time is now. Register your interest here > [link]

Spots are limited to 10. 4 are gone, so we’ve only got 6 spots left

Click the button. Fill out the form. We’ll be in touch :)”

What’s Changed?

  • We’re coming out hot and focusing solely on them and what they’re interested in
  • We then build curiosity and desire to continue reading… it’s the hook
  • We offer a C2A early in the copy for those ready to act
  • We’ve added a little extra beef to the first set of bullet points — focusing more on what’s in it for them
  • There’s 3 C2A’s total
  • A definitive C2A at the end
  • Call it “scarcity” if you will — but the second final sentence is simply the truth

The Short & Sweet (*my favourite)

Attention Ladies of Newcastle!

We’re looking for 10 Young Women or Mama’s who are interested in:

  • Taking back control of their health and feel lighter, stronger and better in themselves
  • Creating & Understanding Healthy Movement + Nutrition Practices that will have them the healthiest they’ve ever been and stay that way for years
  • Joining a Loving Women’s Only Family of Badass’ who love getting their sweat on and having the time of their lives doing so

Starting [date] our Ultimate Women’s Only Transformation & Training Experience is perfectly designed to help you create strong, healthy, consistent behaviours

InBody Scans. Individualised Nutrition Plans. A Loving Family. Short, Sharp, Energetic Training Sessions. A ton of variety and much more…

Interested in grabbing one of the 10 spots? Click here > [link]

We’ll be in touch!

I write copy, create content + systems for some of the biggest brands, businesses and influencers inside the H&F + Personal Development Space. It’s fucking rad